Sure Fine Whatever
by CycloneT
Summary: He looked at her until she was forced to acknowledge his scrutiny and said, “Come up. [GorenEames]
1. Don't think, just feel

Author: Cyclone (LOL – I've changed my pen name. Kinda silly, but I'm feeling a little silly atm)  
  
Title: Sure. Fine. Whatever.  
  
Category: A bit of this, a bit of that.   
  
Rating: NC17 if you read it at amorous_intent, but PG 13 for everywhere else.  
  
Summary: He looked at her until she was forced to acknowledge his scrutiny and said, "Come up."  
  
"Why?" Alex whispered.  
  
A/N: Okay, before I get roasted alive on those flames, I want you all to know that I am aware that my Goren and Eames aren't in character. Maybe if Channel Ten hadn't taken the show off air for reasons known only to the Powers That Be, I would have written a more believable fic. But they did, and I don't have any episodes on tape so I'm working entirely from my very imaginative little brain. And let's all remember that it *is* fic, so basically anything goes. ;) Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I did borrow the title from a classic Scully line in the XF. Yes, I 'borrowed' it – I did not steal it. :P  
  
Further Notes: Many thanks to Riverstar, who not only did a bang up job of beta'ing, but also gave me lots of amazing, wonderful feedback. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.   
  
~x~  
  
"You want a ride home?"  
  
Bobby turned to his partner, who looked just as exhausted and drained as he did, and watched as she shrugged on her coat. "Sure you don't mind?"  
  
"No problem. Besides, I'm not –" she broke off and swallowed heavily. "I'm not ready to be alone just yet."  
  
"Yeah." Their eyes locked and held in mutual understanding. "Company would be . . . good. Nice."  
  
"Nice," she agreed softly. He was nodding at her, and she tried to smile back but failed miserably. The emotions that had been held in check all day threatened to betray her and turn to tears, and she bit down on her bottom lip hard in an attempt to control them.   
  
Bobby noticed her struggle, and feeling pretty much the same he reached out and laid a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Eames –"  
  
"Don't," she warned as her control wavered. She shook his hand off and glared at him defiantly. "You ready?"   
  
"I'm – yeah. Let's go."  
  
The walk to the parking lot was long and silent. They climbed into the car and Bobby waited for her to start the engine. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly but ignored the ignition. Looking out the window she asked tonelessly, "You want to get a drink? Or a coffee . . . or . . . something?"   
  
He shook his head, then realising that she wasn't looking at him he closed his eyes and sighed. "No. I think I just want to . . . go home."  
  
"Sure. Fine." Alex started the engine and drove. "Whatever."  
  
~x~  
  
She pulled up outside his building and left the motor running. "So – here you are."  
  
"Here I am," he repeated.  
  
He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. "Thanks for the ride."  
  
"Welcome."  
  
Bobby made an effort to pull himself out of the car but then changed his mind and sat back down. He looked at her until she was forced to acknowledge his scrutiny and said, "Come up."  
  
"Why?" Alex whispered.  
  
"To . . . talk. To maybe make sense of this senseless day. To put off the nightmares that we'll probably both –"  
  
She turned off the ignition. "Okay."  
  
~x~  
  
"You want something to drink?" This time it was Bobby that made the offer.  
  
Alex had plopped herself down on the couch and was clutching a cushion to her chest. "What have you got?"  
  
"Vodka, scotch . . . some beer. I'm not a big drinker, sorry."  
  
"I'll have a . . . no, on second thoughts, I'll just have a coffee. I think alcohol is the last thing I need in my system tonight."  
  
He managed a wan grin and went into the kitchen to make it. He was staring at his cupboards trying to remember where he kept the sugar when Alex walked in behind him. "What makes someone do that?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," he replied.  
  
"Then what good are you? What good are all your profiling, all your psychology and psychiatry if you don't know?"  
  
"Alex –"  
  
"No! Today shouldn't have happened. Those girls . . . those *babies* . . . what chance did they have?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Bobby said gently. "Pedophiles – they're –"  
  
"I know what they are. They're disgusting, vile predators who deserve to die, each and every one of them. No, strike that. Death is too good for them. They deserve to get raped in jail day after day after day. That's justice. Not what we dish out, and certainly not what the courts dish out. This piece of scum will probably be protected in prison - *protected* - because what he did is so abominable that the other inmates would kill him if he were released into general population. " Alex stopped to catch her breath.  
  
"I'm not arguing with you – "  
  
She appealed to him with big luminous eyes. "What he did was bad enough, Bobby, but why'd he have to kill them?"  
  
Bobby took a step closer to her, sensing her need for closeness. "Because in his mind if they weren't alive they couldn't testify against him. Without an accuser, he was safe."  
  
"It's just –"  
  
"I know," he said, and pulled her into a fierce hug. Her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and she buried herself in the crush that was Bobby's embrace. They stood there, drawing comfort and losing themselves in each other for a long time before the gurgling of the jug brought them back to the kitchen.  
  
"Coffee's ready," Bobby murmured into her hair, and made a move to untangle himself. Alex dropped her arms and took a step back until she was resting against the bench. She watched him silently as he went about the business of pouring the coffee and adding the sugar and milk, and then started to pose a question that had been haunting her since they'd uncovered the mutilated bodies of the two little girls.  
  
"Why do you think –?"  
  
Bobby smashed his fist into the counter, spilling coffee and milk across the surface. "Stop it!" he yelled, and then felt ashamed when Alex recoiled at the vehemence in his voice. "I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I'm so tired of thinking," he breathed.   
  
He looked at her with sad, hopeless eyes, and she forgave him for snapping at her immediately. He saw the absolution in her face and accepted it gratefully, aware that any solace found on this day was to be held and cherished. Then, as if his legs had a mind of their own, he'd suddenly closed the distance between them and was standing right in front of her. Before either of them knew what was happening one of his arms had wound around her waist again, and they stood so close that they could feel the unsteady reverberations of each other's hearts. After a moment's hesitation Bobby tilted her chin with his free hand and very slowly and deliberately pressed his lips to hers. Alex's eyes fluttered shut and she felt herself responding automatically to the warm pressure of Bobby's lips on hers. His tongue snaked out to tease her mouth open, so smooth and gentle, and she found herself being thoroughly explored.  
  
It was a kiss that seemed to go on forever.   
  
It was a kiss that was over all to soon.   
  
"Alex, I'm sorry," Bobby said again when it was over. "I didn't mean . . . I just didn't want to have to think . . . or see . . . them anymore."  
  
Wrapping her arms around his neck, Alex pulled his head down until their foreheads touched and she could taste his breath. "I know," she soothed. "I don't want to see them anymore either."   
  
"Stay with me?" he beseeched in a husky tone.  
  
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby," she sighed. "It's not a good idea."   
  
"You got a better one?"  
  
She didn't, and swept her fingers through his hair, knowing that she'd regret her actions later but needing him to wash away the stain of the day too much to really care. So she moistened her lips and whispered, "Close your eyes."  
  
He did as she asked and she raised herself up onto tiptoes to brush a soft kiss across his lips. "It's a bad idea," she reiterated, kissing him in between words. "A. Very. Bad. Idea."   
  
He wasn't sure he could, but he had to ask anyway. "But we're not stopping?"  
  
"No," Alex shook her head. "We're not stopping."   
  
She reclaimed his hungry lips with a passion of her own and moulded her body into his. He moaned into her mouth as his body tensed in response, and then her probing tongue found his and they danced. After some time they broke from kisses that were becoming more and more insistent, and Bobby stepped back and took a moment to study the woman who until recently he'd only thought of as his partner. She was his friend too, sure – hell, she was probably his best friend, but that had been it. Apart from the odd dream where he'd woken in a sticky mess he hadn't particularly thought about her as the kissable type. That had definitely changed though. Now he thought she was . . . well, he wasn't sure what she was, but it didn't matter because her eyes were smiling up into his, spilling over with warmth and trust, and . . . and maybe something else, too.   
  
For him.   
  
That they were here like this, that she was allowing him to take comfort in her after a day where he'd thought comfort would never exist again was a mini miracle. And that she was allowing him to offer that same comfort in return; allowing him to see her vulnerable and grieved, touched him in a way that he'd never expected. He wrapped his arms around her and held her in simple gratitude for granting him the privilege of seeing her so exposed. Alex buried her head in his chest as her arms inched around his body, instinctively understanding his need to simply be held. Their need for comfort met, his body reminded them of other, more primal needs. Alex smiled into his chest at the feel of this other need pressing fiercely into her stomach. And what a need it was. Wriggling out of his embrace, she held him at arms length and looked at him expectantly.  
  
It was all the invitation Bobby needed.   
  
And when he woke in the morning she was gone.   
  
A/N: If you want the NC17 version, head over to amorous_intent@yahoogroups and join up. :) 


	2. Uhoh, what have we done?

A/N: River, thanks again. And to all the people who have reviewed, your comments are very much appreciated.   
  
~x~  
  
Bobby's eyes flickered to the elevator nervously. His pen paused in mid stroke and he had to remember to keep breathing as another group of people disembarked. After ascertaining that Alex was not among them he visibly relaxed, and returned his concentration to the paperwork he was trying to finish. Even though the case had been passed over to SVU there were still 'i's to dot and 't's to cross. Paperwork, it seemed, knew no jurisdiction.   
  
For the third time that morning he screwed up the form he'd been filling in and grabbed a fresh one. His mind kept wandering to Alex and what it all meant. He wasn't sure yet if it was a bad decision, a mistake, the best thing that had ever happened to him, or a memorable interlude in an otherwise predictable friendship. On the one hand, bad decisions did not necessarily equal mistakes, and on the other, mistakes were not necessarily something you regretted. That meant that there was such a thing as good mistakes, and that they could quite easily lead to, 'the best thing that ever happened' scenario. And while interludes were pleasant, he was more the 'stick around for the whole show' kind of man. At least, he thought he wanted to be. So now it was 9:17 in the morning and he was sitting there trying to make sense of the night before, standard departmental forms, and it didn't help at all that she was late.   
  
The elevator pinged again and his head shot up in response. Clerks, cops, one repairman with an oversized tool box and a bad haircut – and there she was. Striding towards him just like it was any other day.  
  
"Morning," she said when she reached her desk.  
  
"Uh, morning," he grunted back.   
  
"You got coffee?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Coffee – have you already got a cup or would you like me to bring one back for you?"  
  
"Oh." He gestured towards the half filled Styrofoam cup on his desk. "No, I'm fine."  
  
"Okay then. I'll be back."   
  
His eyes trailed after her as she approached the coffee machine and pressed the buttons, and they were still following her as she came back with a steaming cup and seated herself opposite him.   
  
"Eug, paperwork," she groaned as she leant over to see what he was working on. "I don't suppose that you've finished it by any chance?"  
  
Bobby scowled and tried to figure out what her game plan was, because something was sure as hell was wrong with her. She was acting . . . well, normal, and he was very aware that he wasn't.   
  
"Earth to Bobby, earth to Bobby, come in Bobby."  
  
"Huh?" he said for the second time in the space of five minutes.  
  
Alex rolled her eyes and took a sip of coffee. "Paperwork. Have. You. Finished. It. Yet?" she spelt it out as if talking to a child.  
  
"No," he answered evenly. "Why would I have?"  
  
"Because you're sitting there with a pile of –" Alex gave up as she noticed a glazed look come over his eyes. It was a look that she was very familiar with, one that usually meant that his mind was elsewhere. "Never mind. Guess it was just wishful thinking on my part."  
  
She took a stack of forms from his desk and started filling them in.   
  
Bobby felt a spasm of resentment at the easy way her pen flew over the pages. She seemed to be having no trouble with completing them correctly. He decided to prod her a little. "Wishful thinking?"   
  
She didn't even bother to look up. "Let it go."  
  
She continued to fly through the forms, and he continued to watch her. "What?" she finally snapped.  
  
"Nothing. I was just thinking."  
  
"Well, quit looking at me while you do it," she grumbled, and bent her head again.  
  
"Alex," Bobby said, leaning over to take the pen from her hand. "This is the part where you're supposed to ask me what I'm thinking about."  
  
"Not today, Bobby."  
  
"Come on," he cajoled. "You know you want to."  
  
"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," she hissed. "I'm pretty sure I already know what you're thinking about, and now is not the time or the place to be having *that* conversation."  
  
"We need to talk about it," he pressed. "It's not going to go away."  
  
Alex's eyes narrowed. "It will if we let it," she disagreed.   
  
He nodded in apparent harmony, and Alex heaved a sigh of relief and reclaimed her pen. She took another sip of coffee and returned her concentration to the forms, all the time aware that Bobby was still staring at her. She tried to ignore him, and felt herself becoming flustered when she realised that she couldn't. Angry, she threw down the pen and glared at him.  
  
"What is it this time?" she demanded.  
  
Bobby ignored both her glare and tone, and asked, "What if we don't want to let it go?"  
  
Her heart started beating a little harder and her pulse a little faster, but none of that showed on the outside. "Then I'd say we have a problem."   
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Sorry it's short, but this seemed like a great place to leave it. Bwhahahahaha – I'm evil, I know. ;) 


	3. Coffee and soggy biscuits

A/N: River, you're amazing. Really. Along with the usual thanks for taking on the job of being my beta, I also send you packets and packets and packets of Tim Tams. ;)  
  
Bobby sat back in his chair, folded his hands on the desk, and waited patiently for her to continue. An awkward silence settled over them as Alex stubbornly refused to elaborate any further. She was not going to be coerced into discussing something that was in no mood to discuss. But he kept looking at her with that intense gaze of his and she found that she suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. Angry with herself for being unnerved by the inquisitive scrutiny that he usually reserved for suspects in the interrogation room, she began searching for something, anything that would shift his attention from her.   
  
  
  
"A problem?" he prompted.  
  
She flushed deeper and glanced sideways to see if anyone was listening. "I told you, not here."   
  
"Fine," Bobby agreed. Her discomfort at being overheard was not lost on him. "Let's go grab a coffee then. We can talk on the way."  
  
"Bobby, I just got in," she protested. "And besides, there's a coffee machine just over there. It'd look kind of suspicious if we said we were going out for coffee when we both have cups sitting in front of us already."  
  
"Who says we have to tell anyone where we're going?"  
  
"Deakins –"   
  
"Won't even realise that we're gone." He shifted in his seat and tried to hide an artful smile. "Or we could just stay here and chance being overheard by anyone who walked past."  
  
Alex pushed the chair back from the desk and stood up, glaring at him. "Okay. Whatever. We'll go out for 'coffee.' But you're buying."  
  
He grabbed his coat and made no effort to hide his elation at winning. "Of course. Sure."  
  
~x~  
  
They had gone to a little café and were seated at a table facing the window. Bobby watched as the outside world whizzed by for a while before picking up where they left off. "You said we had a problem?"  
  
"Do we really have to do this?" Alex asked. "Couldn't we just leave last night where it is and move on?"  
  
"We could, I suppose. But why would we want to?"  
  
Alex dunked her biscuit into her coffee. "Because it would be a hell of a lot easier, for starters." She wrinkled her nose at the soggy mess and then placed it back on the saucer untouched.  
  
"Maybe," Bobby agreed, picking up the table menu and then putting it back down without even looking at it. "But, 'It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.'"   
  
"What?"  
  
"It's a quote by Seneca. He was a Roman dramatist and philosopher who lived during the first century AD. Anyway, it means –"  
  
"I get what it means, Bobby. I don't need you to explain it to me."  
  
Bobby nodded. "All I'm saying is that just because something is difficult, that's no reason to give up on it."  
  
"What exactly would we be giving up? We had one night of comfort sex, Bobby. Please don't make anything more out of it than that."  
  
"You're kidding yourself if you think that's all it was," he said quietly.  
  
Alex was taken aback with the absolute conviction with which he said it. "Excuse me?"  
  
"You could have turned to anybody if all you wanted was one night of 'comfort sex.'"  
  
"You turned to me first, I believe," she argued.  
  
He ignored her and continued. "But you turned to me – someone who would bring complications and disruptions and imbalance to your ordered life – someone who was most definitely not a person you could brush off and never see again after that one night. Why do you think that was? Why do you think you made such a lousy choice for your 'one night?' And why do you think – "  
  
"Shut up," Alex interrupted with a growl. "Just shut up right now."  
  
He pulled his head back in surprise. "Did I hit a nerve, perhaps?"  
  
"Bobby, I swear, if you don't wipe that smug look off your face I'm going to take out my gun and shoot you."  
  
"Why are you so defensive? All I said was –"  
  
"Do you *ever* listen to anyone? Or do you just prattle on because you like the sound of your own voice? I said. Shut. Up."  
  
"Alex. . .I'm not saying this to bait you. I'm just . . .I'm wondering why me? You're right, it would be easier to leave last night in the past. But I want to know. . .aren't you the least bit curious as to *why* we found it so easy to fall into bed? When did we start looking at each other as acceptable bed partners? I'm. . .flummoxed, and I don't like not knowing what my own motives are." He trailed off and began looking out the window again.  
  
"No."  
  
"Hmmm?" Bobby murmured vacantly.  
  
"No, I'm not curious. Last night is done; it's over, and I'm not going to waste any more time and energy pondering the 'why's and 'what for's. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but –"  
  
"So you have thought about it then?"  
  
Alex took a deep breath in annoyance at the interruption. "What?"  
  
"You said you weren't going to waste 'any more time' thinking about it. The implication being that you'd already spent time going over the night's events." He sat there looking at her expectantly. "You gonna share your conclusions with me, or do I have to wring them out of you myself?"  
  
Alex was silent. When she finally spoke it was with an edge to her voice that told Bobby he was again very close to crossing the line that resulted in her whipping out her gun and shooting him. "Sometimes you're so clever you make my teeth hurt, you know that?" She sighed. "If I tell you can we please move on?"  
  
"But of course," he smiled.   
  
She flashed him a black look but otherwise ignored the grin that was etched on his face. "I needed – " she stopped and started again. "We both needed someone who understood all the feelings and emotions of the day. I didn't want a nameless, faceless stranger for an impersonal romp in the sack. I wanted to feel alive, to really connect with someone. I wanted . . ." Alex's voice shrunk to a whisper. "I didn't just want sex, Bobby, I wanted to make love. And I knew that you would know the difference and respect that, because you know and respect me."  
  
He reached across the table and took a hold of her hand. "What do you want now?"  
  
"Now. . ." she squeezed his hand in response and met his eyes. "I just want things to go back to normal. I want things nice and easy – no complications. Most importantly of all, I don't want things to change between us."  
  
"Sometimes change is a good thing," Bobby argued half-heartedly.  
  
"I know it is. But we – there's no room in our lives for us to be anything other than what we are now."  
  
"Which is what?"  
  
"Friends?" she offered with a small smile.  
  
"Partners," he validated. Then a sly look came into his eyes. "But you still owe me a favour, remember?" And ducked when she laughed and threw her soggy biscuit at his head.  
  
TBC… 


	4. Wonderous Wonder Boy

Here it is folks. The long awaited part 4. :) I've got to thank Riverstar and Traci for beta'ing - River in particular for sticking with this story and always being so encouraging, and Traci for her suggestions and for picking out that little plot line that I left out. Oops - I'm working it in now, I promise. ;)   
  
I also would like to thank everyone who has reviewed the first three chapters. The positive feedback and encouragement I received made all the difference when I became frustrated because the characters refused to do what I wanted them to. Thankfully things are back on track now. g And now you can stop reading these boring authors notes and get on with the story!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~ Two weeks later. ~*~  
  
  
  
Bobby was pacing around the squad room looking for Alex when something caught his attention. He grabbed at an elbow that was passing by and forced it to stop. "Who's that?" he asked the elbow, which happened to belong to a fellow detective whose name he couldn't remember.  
  
The nameless detective followed Goren's gaze but couldn't figure out who he was alluding to. He shook his head in confusion - there were just too many people in the room. "Who's who?"  
  
Bobby squashed a snarl of irritation. "The suit talking to Eames."  
  
"Oh," the nameless one said easily. "That's Carver's new wonder boy. He's prosecuted seven cases so far and he's got convictions on all of them." He turned away, "Probably here about the Dupain case – that one was yours wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, but we wrapped all that up last week. There's no reason for him to be here."  
  
The nameless one smirked. "Well then, he's probably just paying Eames a social visit."  
  
"What do you mean?" Bobby frowned.  
  
"He was quite taken with her when they met. Surely you knew. . ."  
  
Bobby took a step closer to the nameless one, unconsciously drawing himself up to his full height so that he was towering over him, and stared fervently into his eyes. "Knew what?"  
  
"That th-they went out to dinner last week."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Bobby lied. "'Course I knew. The point is, how do *you* know?"  
  
"It was all over the squad room when he sent her those flowers the next day. Geez, Goren, where have you been?"  
  
He took a step back from the nameless one, who shot him a weird look before taking the chance to flee. It bothered him that something was going on in his partner's life that he was unaware of. And it had nothing to do with the fact that they'd seen each other naked. Nothing at all. He just didn't like not knowing. Bobby turned around and started back towards his desk, lost in contemplation. Where had he been? What had he been so wrapped up in that he'd neglected to notice that Alex was dating? His thoughts had been all over the board lately, and he didn't like that either. In fact, he didn't like much of anything these days, and as a result he was finding that people were avoiding him more than usual. Scowling to himself, he noticed that Alex was back at her desk.  
  
"Grab your coat, Eames, it's cold out there," he said as he breezed over to their workstation and picked up his notebook.   
  
Alex looked up from her laptop, caught unaware. "What?" she asked, puzzled. Bobby snatched her coat off the coat rack and walked over behind her chair. He ushered her up and held her it open for her to step into. "Goren, what's going on?"   
  
"We've got a lead on the Lewis case," he answered, as if that explained everything.  
  
"But – we closed that. The suspect is in custody, the victim was released to his wife for burial, and we finished the paperwork yesterday."  
  
"No, no…we were wrong."  
  
"We weren't wrong. We got him," she objected.  
  
He just grinned at her with a bemused look on his face, and she knew that he was waiting for her to figure out the same thing he already had and catch up.   
  
She closed her laptop and stood up. "Where are we going?" she sighed in resignation.   
  
He made a gesture towards the elevator. "You'll see," he replied in a superior tone.  
  
Alex groaned and resisted the urge to smack it out of him. His answer was typically enigmatic and unnecessary. If he would just give her a little more information, she wouldn't get nearly so annoyed with him.  
  
~x~  
  
With a destination now in mind, Alex pulled out of the parking lot.   
  
"So, what's with you and 'wonder boy'?" Bobby asked  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Carver's new prodigy. I heard you went out."  
  
"Is my personal life fodder for tea room gossip now?"  
  
"No, of course not. I just saw you two talking. . .and I wondered, that's all."  
  
Alex kept her eyes on the road but was paying more attention to the conversation than to the surrounding traffic. "You wondered?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm curious."  
  
"You know what they say about curiosity and the cat."  
  
Bobby allowed himself a slight grin. "Feline analogies aside, I'm curious as to why you'd try to hide it from me. Especially since you knew I'd find out sooner or later."  
  
"I didn't try to hide anything," she objected. "I just don't think who I spend my personal time with is any of your business."  
  
"Now you're stalling. . ." he shook his head to get back on track. "But that's beside the point. How can it not be my business?"  
  
"Oh my god. . .I think you're actually serious."  
  
"Why are you hedging? Just tell me what the situation is between the two of you, and I'll drop it."  
  
"I did tell you – does 'none of your business' ring any bells?"  
  
"You know," Bobby mused, "The last time you were this defensive was the morning after we . . ."  
  
"Okay," Alex interrupted with heat as they pulled into the driveway of their destination, "This conversation is officially over."  
  
Bobby's eyes narrowed and he tried to keep the accusation out of his tone. "Did you and wonder boy. . ."  
  
"I'm not answering that, on the grounds that it's none of your business!" she hissed.  
  
"I don't believe you," he snapped as he slammed the car door. "Didn't take you long, did it?"  
  
Alex slammed her own door and stormed around to his side of the car. "What did you just say?" she demanded.  
  
"You got me out of your system and just moved right on, didn't you? Congratulations, Alex. . . what's your secret?"  
  
"You have got some nerve, you know that? I cannot believe the audacity –"  
  
"We're being watched," Bobby broke in. "Lounge room window."  
  
Alex forced herself to breathe evenly as she tried to swallow her temper. "Let's not keep him waiting then," she said tensely, and walked up the path and knocked on the door.  
  
Bobby followed and stood behind her as they waited for the knock to be answered. "I really do want to know," he said quietly, bending down so that she felt his breath flutter against her hair.  
  
She swallowed heavily and turned to face him. "Maybe he is the secret," she replied. "Did you ever think of that?"  
  
And the door opened to screams before he could decipher what she meant.  
  
  
  
TBC...really soon, I promise. :) 


	5. The indifference of bugs

"You don't want to do this," Alex cautioned the suspect. "Think about it." Her head was throbbing from the pistol whip she'd received as she walked through the door and her gun was sitting useless in a corner, but she still knew her job.  
  
"Shut up!" he screamed at her. "This is all your fault. You shouldn't have come back." One arm was folded against her throat, while the other held a gun firmly to her temple.   
  
There had been a split second as they entered the house, a split second before they had gathered their bearings where they were vulnerable. The suspect had taken advantage of this and after hitting Alex on the temple and disarming her he'd grabbed her in a headlock, choking the air out of her as his arm crushed her windpipe. Outside, the noisy chatter of crickets emerging for the night filled the tense silences in the house.  
  
"Put the gun down," Bobby soothed, trying not to think about Alex's brains being splattered across the wall if the suspect snapped and pulled the trigger. "I can't help you while you're pointing it at my partner."  
  
He pressed the barrel harder into Alex's temple, causing her to wince. "You put your gun down!"  
  
"You know that's not going to happen, James. Now, just think about what you're doing."  
  
James cocked his head to one side and grimaced. "I know exactly what I'm doing. The question is, detective, do you?"  
  
Did he? He'd come here because he'd had a hunch about the case they'd just closed. Something just hadn't sat right, and he thought that if he revisited the victim's wife he'd be able to put his finger on the missing link and solve the puzzle. He'd come here, placing Alex's life in direct danger, because he just couldn't let things alone. Now he had a hostage situation on his hands with the wife and son sitting huddled and terrified on the couch, and Alex's eyes kept flashing him signals he just wasn't getting. Did he know what he was doing? Hell no, he didn't have a clue.  
  
"James, this isn't very smart. Let my partner go and – "  
  
Spittle flew from James's mouth as he tightened his grasp on Alex's neck. "No one is going anywhere. Not until this bitch admits what she did was wrong."  
  
Bobby's eyes flickered to the shaking woman in a barely perceptible motion. She was clearly unable to help herself or her son at that time. "We all know what she did was wrong," he improvised.  
  
"Yeah? Why don't you tell me. . . tell us all . . .what she did wrong then?"  
  
"She . . . allowed your brother to hurt her child," he spoke quickly as he recalled the facts of the case. "She sat back and did nothing when he raised his fists and whatever else was handy to beat him."  
  
James was nodding.  
  
"And as if that wasn't bad enough," Bobby continued, "she covered up for him when people started asking questions."  
  
"She enabled that sack of shit to hurt my boy," James said hoarsely. "What kind of mother does that?"  
  
The last piece of the puzzle fell into place and Bobby knew he had him. "A bad one, James. But don't allow this situation to dictate that you become a bad father."  
  
"I want to be a good father. . ."  
  
"I know you do. You already proved that. . .you killed your son's abuser. Because of you, your son can knock over a glass of milk without fear of receiving a punch to the head. But now you need to let my partner go so we can talk about it some more."  
  
James had eased the pressure of the gun a little as he listened to Bobby's proclamation but reinforced it at the last sentence. "No, I don't think so."  
  
"So you're going to kill a cop in front of your son? Is that truly the image you want to leave him of his father?" Bobby was clutching at straws now, but he felt that the longer James had his gun trained on Alex, the worse her chances were of walking away unscathed.  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"You killed your brother because he was mistreating your son," Bobby pressed. "You were trying to protect him. I understand that. . .the courts will understand that. What they will not understand is the murder of a cop."  
  
"Shut up! Shut up, SHUT UP!"  
  
Then everything happened at once. The little boy, who had been watching the scene play out with wide eyes untangled himself form his mothers arms and screamed at the man who until moments ago he knew only as his uncle. "You're not my father!"  
  
James dropped his arm slightly as his son's rejection echoed around the room. Alex took advantage of his lapse of concentration and with a practiced elbow to the midsection extricated herself from his hold. She scrambled for her weapon and came up standing with it trained it on the suspect. The victim's wife sobbed hysterically and tried to gather her child back into her lap, and the whole time this was going on, Bobby's eyes had followed the gun.  
  
"It's over, James. Put the gun down," Alex ordered.  
  
"It's not over yet," he disagreed, and turned and fired twice.  
  
The shots reverberated around the room, stopping abruptly as another, lone shot burst forth. Outside, crickets severed their song in mid-verse as they waited, assessing the danger. Silence reigned for one brief moment; a moment in which time itself seemed to stop and mourn for what it had just witnessed. The moment passed, as moments do, and chaos reared its ugly head as pain and disbelief and the hot smell of blood filled the room. Outside, the crickets resumed their medley, oblivious and indifferent that two lives were slipping away.  
  
TBC. . . 


	6. Too Late?

Part 6  
  
"Don't . . . leave me." Breathing was difficult, talking even more so, but there were things that needed to be said.  
  
"I won't. I'm right here."  
  
He tried to smile, tried to reassure her, but failed miserably. She knew the truth, just as he did. It was mirrored in her face – the face that had so entranced him that he had memorised every feature; every line, every dimple, every nuance – and now, when it was too late, he finally understood why.   
  
"Promise . . .?"  
  
It hurt. She couldn't bear to look at him, but she couldn't bear to look away.  
  
"I promise, I promise. But you have to promise me the same thing."  
  
"I . . . "  
  
The light was too bright. It stung his eyes, and they fluttered shut in protest.  
  
"Bobby! No! Look at me."   
  
The screams of the ambulance grew closer, but they weren't close enough.   
  
His eyes remained closed, and yet, his lips were moving so she strained her ears to listen. Even then, she wasn't sure if he actually said the words, or she heard only what she wanted to.  
  
". . . promise."  
  
The pain was excruciating; both hot and cold, it stole his breath and left him choking for air. He was dimly aware of a stickiness that coated his body but the pain left little room for other observations. His last memory, before he mercifully lost consciousness, was of Alex's drawn face hovering over him, and a feeling of deep regret at what might have been.   
  
He never felt the agonising pressure of her hands as they tried frantically to stem the bleeding. He never saw the helplessness that consumed her as the blood kept seeping through her fingers. He never tasted the warm saltiness of her tears as the fell unashamedly onto his cheek and pooled in the corner of his mouth. And he never heard her last ditch appeal to a God she had never believed in, begging Him to intercede on his behalf.  
  
When they finally arrived, she moved aside for the paramedics, but she wouldn't relinquish his hand.  
  
Later, as she was being led away from the emergency ward, she looked at the dried blood caked under her fingernails and began shaking. The nurse was used to dealing with people in shock, but even he had no idea what she meant when she whispered, "This is why we can't be together."  
  
TBC....  
  
**Just to be a total feedback whore...Bobby's will to live depends on the amount of reviews I get. Bwahahahahaha! 


	7. A good story

Notes: Bobby, Alex and I wish to thank everyone who reviewed. He was much cheered by all your good thoughts, and as you can see decided to turn away from the bright light that beckoned. g  
  
Part 7  
  
Six days later  
Saint Hugh's Hospital  
  
Some things would never change, Alex thought, as she looked up from the magazine she had been pretending to read and watched her partner interact with his nurse. She was his captivated audience and she was flirting madly with him, her eyes wide with admiration and he, of course, was lapping up every second of it.   
  
She smiled in spite of herself, amused that even from a hospital bed he should have the power to charm the socks off any woman he chose. The gut-wrenching relief she felt at his recovery was still fresh enough to allow him a little leeway with these things. But her smile faded when he came to the part of the story that she'd been trying not to think about for the past six days and began downplaying it for all it was worth. Her relief suddenly turned to an overwhelming anger at the flippancy at which he spoke, and so when she interrupted it was with unusual vehemence. "Goren, that's not what happened at all. If you insist on telling it, tell it right."  
  
He appeared a little startled at her interruption, but kept smiling as he winked at the nurse. "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, Eames, that's what I always say."  
  
She threw the magazine down onto the bed table and glared at him. "Then maybe you should do us all a favour and shut up."  
  
The nurse looked between her patient and his visitor and made a hasty decision to retreat. "I'll be back to check your dressing later, Mr. Goren," she said, backing out of the room.  
  
Bobby ignored her and turned his attention to his partner. "Eames?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, *I'm* fine. *I'm* just dandy."   
  
"Then what was that about?" he asked, honestly bewildered.  
  
"What was it about? Are you serious?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"Look, something is obviously bothering you, and it's just as obvious that whatever it is has got to do with me. So why don't we just cut through all the theatrics and you give it to me straight."  
  
"Fine. Where are you?"  
  
"Is this a trick question, Alex, because I gotta tell ya, I don't see the relevance."  
  
"You don't, huh? Then let me enlighten you – you're in a hospital ward, in intensive care. Two days ago you were hooked up to a million tubes. Five days ago you were still unconscious and I didn't know whether you would even pull through. And six days ago you were shot in the chest."  
  
"Alex, I know all this. I don't understand –"  
  
"No, you don't, and that's the problem. You almost died, Bobby . . . if James Butcher hadn't been such a bad shot you would be laid out in that morgue instead of him, and yet you're laying there and joking about it, like it was nothing."  
  
"That's not true," he protested. "I know how lucky I am. I was the one who was actually shot, remember?"  
  
She took a series of deep breaths, wanting him to know how bad it was for her, but not wanting him to know the reason why.   
  
"It's not something I'm ever likely to forget. Being soaked in your partners blood and not being able to do a damn thing about it has a lasting effect on a person." She stopped, aware that she was very close to giving herself away, but needing to say one more thing. "Don't you understand? I thought I was watching you die . . . and that's not something to joke about, not now, not ever."   
  
He didn't want to think about how close he came to dying; his body still hurt too much to rehash those unpleasant memories, so he resorted to frivolity. "Keep that up, Alex, and people might get the wrong idea."  
  
She stared at him in puzzlement.  
  
"All that concern . . . they might think that you actually cared."  
  
She froze in anger, and when she spoke her voice was filled with contempt. "Couldn't have that now, could we?"  
  
Aware on some level that he had crossed the line he tried to make amends. "Alex – "   
  
"I have to go," she said, and left the room without looking back.   
  
"I'm sorry," he told the injured silence she left behind. "I didn't mean it."  
  
TBC.... 


	8. Decisions

Four days later  
  
Alex stood outside the door and ran over all the reasons why this was the only course of action. That it would hurt them both was a given, but in the long run she knew it would be for the best. So she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and steeled herself before walking into the room.   
  
"Hey," Bobby said neutrally, looking up from his book. "It's been a while."  
  
She shrugged and sat down on the chair beside the bed. "It's been a busy few days."  
  
"Too busy for a phone call?" he chided.  
  
"You know how things can get . . ."  
  
Bobby held her eyes before she looked away. "Yeah, I know," he said in resignation. There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a few minutes, a silence that Alex was grateful for as it allowed her a few more moments to gather her courage to say what she had to say.  
  
"How've you been?" she finally asked.  
  
"I've been . . . I'm better," he replied with a half smile. "They tell me I can go home in a few more days."  
  
"I'm glad," she said simply, and they once again fell into silence.  
  
"I'm sorry about the last time you were here. I just . . . I wasn't ready to have that conversation with you."  
  
"It's okay. It doesn't matter."  
  
"C'mon, Alex, don't let me off that easily. I shouldn't have been so . . . dismissive . . . of your feelings." She was scaring him with her stillness, so he again took refuge in hiding his emotions in frivolity. "Especially since you went to all the trouble of sharing them so eloquently."   
  
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. Alex looked up sharply and blanched as if he had struck her, but before he had a chance to decipher what it meant, the vulnerability was gone and the controlled façade that he'd never quite been able to see through was back in position.  
  
"I've been meaning to talk to you, Goren," she said, all ice and stone.   
  
"What is it?" he asked. His tone was so gentle and apologetic that Alex had to steel herself all over again to find the courage to say what she needed to say.  
  
"This isn't easy for me, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." She took a deep breath and continued. "I've been looking for a change for a while now, and I have a friend in Boston who put in a few words for me with his captain."  
  
"Yeah?" he said, smiling, and having no clue what she was talking about.  
  
"Yeah. So I'm transferring over."  
  
"What?" he asked, as the implications of what she had just said dawned on him.  
  
"The job starts in two months. I've already given Deakins my notice."  
  
Bobby stared at her, stunned. Of all the things she could have said, this was the last thing he expected. "You're taking a job in Boston?" he clarified.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I can't be here anymore."  
  
"Alex – "  
  
"No, Goren, I've made my decision. It's time. We both know that you and I were never meant to be a permanent partnership. We've had a good run. But it's over now."  
  
Bobby was completely bamboozled. "I don't understand. I mean . . . I apologised. I was an insensitive prick, and I'm truly sorry. You don't need to leave."  
  
"It has nothing to do with that."  
  
"Well, have I done something else to make you feel like you can't even be in the same city as me anymore?"   
  
Alex felt her heart drop into her stomach as a dull ache begin to spread through her chest. "No," she said wearily, "I just need a change. After three years of working with you, of following your footsteps and living in your shadow, I've had enough. I'm a damn good detective too, you know, but no one ever seems to notice that when you're around."  
  
"They notice," he objected.  
  
"No, they don't. Not really. And I know this job isn't about being noticed . . . but when your own partner doesn't even notice or appreciate your abilities it's time to move on."  
  
"I do notice. And I appreciate you."  
  
"You might like to think that you do, but you don't. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of -" She stopped herself short of saying the one thing she knew would wound him, the one thing she knew she had to say in order to be free.  
  
"What? Don't stop there, Alex. Not when you're on such a roll. You're sick of what?"  
  
"I'm sick of you," she said, hiding behind the safety of an attack of lies.  
  
There was silence. Bobby's face had taken on a stony appearance, and his eyes were unreadable. "If that's the way you feel, *Eames*, you should have left a long time ago."   
  
So cold, his voice was so cold.  
  
"Yes, I should have," she agreed softly.  
  
"Well then why the hell didn't you?" he shouted.   
  
Alex flinched. She had wanted this over, had wanted to turn it all onto him so that she could walk away relatively unscathed, but she hadn't expected his rage to be quite so fierce, or to sting quite so much.   
  
"For how long have you been feeling like this?" he demanded.  
  
"Goren– "  
  
"How fucking long?" he snarled.  
  
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, only to open them again to hurt him even more.  
  
"For the last year."  
  
Goren was absolutely still. A year. She had been lying to him for 365 days, and he had noticed nothing. She had worked beside him, had covered his back, had laughed and joked with him and all this time she had merely been going through the motions. The cold bitch. Burning anger churned inside of him, and he held to it tightly. It was so much easier than facing those other feelings that he had made up his mind to share with her; those other feelings that were threatening to spill over at any moment.  
  
"Well, I guess there's nothing left to say." Bobby was back in control, remote and unflinching.  
  
Oh, there was, Alex thought. There was so much more. But she swallowed that thought. She had put in motion this chain of events and now in order to save herself from any more hurt she had to see it out to the end, no matter what the cost.  
  
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out," he spat bitterly and watched her leave with a lump in his throat.  
  
She made it to the elevator before she started shaking. She made it to the car park before she started sobbing. And she barely made it home before she completely fell apart.  
  
TBC 


	9. Back at work

Bobby swallowed the shot in one gulp. It had been a long two months. He had finally been admitted back to work, and for the last week had been on active duty. Deakins had kept him partnered with Alex for her last week, and the atmosphere between them had been tense. Alex had been a clinical, professional iceberg. Nothing had penetrated that glacial façade, and Bobby had been just as forbidding himself. He had followed leads without notifying her. He had ignored her presence whenever she was in the same room as him. When she spoke to him he answered with monosyllabic, disparaging remarks. He knew that he had been treating her unfairly, but he wanted to lash out and hurt her as deeply as she had hurt him; was still hurting him. Nothing had stung until the day she had turned away from yet another smartass comment of his and he had called her an unfeeling bitch. For just a moment he had been glad to have finally wounded her. Her whole body had seemed to crumble, and when she turned around her unmasked eyes had been clouded over with something dark and horrible. He was immediately ashamed of himself, but could think of no way to erase the injury he had just caused. So he had left her standing there, bleeding, and walked away. Just like that.   
  
Now it was her turn to walk away. Tomorrow she would be gone forever, and he still couldn't really believe it. That she was choosing to uproot her life; to leave her family and relocate to a city where she didn't know a living soul, just because he wouldn't be there, hurt like nothing else ever had. He slammed his empty scotch glass onto the bar in disgust, not for the first time wondering how they had deteriorated from a healthy partnership and friendship to something so poisonous and destructive so fast.   
  
~x~  
  
Alex awoke to an incessant pounding. Pulling on her nightgown, she switched on the lights and made her way to the door. "All right, all right," she called, as the pounding continued. Looking through the peephole she saw that it was Bobby and unchained the door. He was standing there unshaven and ruffled, with a determined look on his face.  
  
"You can't go to Boston."   
  
Alex wrinkled her nose and asked suspiciously, "Are you drunk?"  
  
He shook his head impatiently. "No, I'm stone cold sober. You can't go to Boston."  
  
"It's done. I leave in four hours."  
  
"You can't leave."  
  
"I can and I am."  
  
"Alex, please – "  
  
"No, Bobby, enough. We've said all we have to say, and the past two months has only reiterated the fact that I've made the right decision."  
  
He wasn't going to let her go so easily so he grabbed her by the shoulders to try and make her understand. "I need you, Alex. You're the only one who is able to put up with me for more than five minutes. You don't. . . you don't see what everyone else sees when they look at me. You see something more, and I. . . need that."  
  
Her heart screamed for her to give him one last chance but she quashed its longing mercilessly. Her heart didn't know what was best for her. Her heart actually thought they could live happily ever after, but her head knew the cold harsh truth of reality. "You might need me, but I don't need you."  
  
There was silence as he digested what she had said. "You're lying."  
  
"I don't think so," she said softly, and winced as he let go of her arms and took a step back. She felt like crying. If he didn't leave soon, she would start crying. She was being weak and pathetic, and if there was one thing she had always prided herself on it was her strength.   
  
"It's late and I need to get an early start. I think you should go." She held the door open for him.  
  
"I can't let you leave, Alex," he said softly.  
  
"Goodbye, Bobby." She walked back into her bedroom, leaving him standing in the open doorway. She sat on the bed and waited for the sound of the door closing, and when she heard the click the tears did come. They came hard and fast, and for once she didn't think about them being a weakness, she just welcomed the release they allowed.  
  
Feeling so miserable, she didn't notice the shadowy figure that had entered the room. It wasn't until he spoke that she realised that she was not alone.  
  
"Alex?"  
  
Alex looked up to find Bobby standing over her. There was a time when she would rather have died than let him see her crying, but she was past caring. So what if he thought less of her. What did it matter now?  
  
He crouched down in front of her. "I . . .I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."  
  
Alex shook her head. "You didn't," she denied, even though she was aware how ridiculous it sounded.  
  
"Then what are these?" he said, and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks.   
  
"It doesn't matter anymore," she said resignedly.  
  
"Yes, it does. If something has upset you, I want to know what it is." He paused, brown eyes spilling over with compassion. "Tell me why you're running." 


	10. Conclusions

"I'm not running," she denied.  
  
"You are," he said, and swung around to sit beside her. "You've been running from me ever since that night we spent together. Why?"  
  
"I haven't . . .it's . . . no, I'm not doing this. You need to leave now."  
  
"Alex, if you don't want to be with me then all you have to do is say so; stop creating problems and making up excuses and just be honest with me. Go be with 'wonder boy' and be happy."  
  
She laughed, a bitter sound even to her own ears. "He does have a name, you know."  
  
"I really don't give a . . . I don't care what his name is. But I want you to know one thing before you decide. I want you to know that I'm in love with you."  
  
Her heart started thudding painfully. "No, no, I can't do this again."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"This!" she exploded. "I lost a man I loved more than anything to the job. It almost killed me, but I got through it. And then you come along and make me feel again . . . but I'm not so naïve this time . . . I'm older and wiser and I know exactly how high the stakes are. So please don't sit here and try to convince me that love conquers all, because I know damn well it doesn't conquer bullets!"  
  
"You're running away because you love me?"  
  
"I'm running away because . . . because when you got shot and almost died, it felt exactly like it did before. I can't go through that again."  
  
"If you moved to Boston and something happened to me . . .would the distance make your pain any less than if you were here?"  
  
She looked at him in confusion. "That's not the point."  
  
"That's exactly the point," he disagreed. "I tell you that I love you, and while you imply that you have feelings for me, you tell me that we can't be together because you're scared of losing me. Alex, loss is loss, no matter where you live."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"I can't . . .you. . . you've crept under my skin and suddenly I can't imagine my life without you in it."  
  
"And I can't stay here and watch you die," she replied softly.  
  
Bobby took one of her hands in his and was buoyed when she didn't pull it back. "Who said anything about dying? Alex, please . . . give us a chance."  
  
"I . . . I can't," she shook her head, but he could tell she was weakening.  
  
"Then at least tell me that you love me," he said with eyes that she couldn't refuse.  
  
"Of course I love you . . ." She reached out and allowed herself to touch his face. "Do you think I would be doing this if I didn't?"  
  
He stood and pulled her to her feet. "You're cheating us both if you don't even try."  
  
She looked into his eyes mutely, torn between what she knew she should do, and what she knew could destroy her. Her heart wanted him, her blood called to him, her body ached for him, and even her head had betrayed her and had stopped thinking about losing him. Instead, it focussed on simply being with him.   
  
Alex blinked as a frightening realisation dawned.   
  
She couldn't run from this man anymore, because he would only follow her.   
  
"Alex," Bobby whispered, as he saw her decision in her eyes. And then suddenly his arms were around her, and the lips that she had been trying to forget were moving gently over her own. She felt herself respond before she could even think about what she had just signed up for, and allowed herself to languish in his kiss.  
  
He knew her decision, but he had to hear the words. "You're not leaving me?"   
  
Alex smiled at him and left his question unanswered for the moment. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled his head down until he was left with no doubt whatsoever what her intentions were. She moistened her lips and gently drew him to her, and kissed him again.  
  
"No, I'm not leaving you."  
  
He grinned in sudden exultation. "Wonder boy?" It didn't really matter; she was his now and that's what counted, but he had to know regardless.  
  
"He was a distraction," she said softly. "I tried to . . . he was supposed to make me forget about you."  
  
"But he didn't?"  
  
  
  
"He couldn't," she said simply. "Bobby, we had dinner once. That's all. And he was so impressed with himself that he didn't even notice when I hardly said a word all night."  
  
"Lawyers are like that," he couldn't resist saying.  
  
"Yeah. Fortunately he found a nice legal secretary who is even more impressed with him than he is."  
  
"So there's no lingering interest there?"  
  
"There never was."  
  
"Then," he squeezed her hips purposefully. "I believe we have something else to discuss. There's the matter of that small favour you still owe me . . ."  
  
She laughed as the last of her tears dried. "I think you need to refresh my memory," she murmured, and pulled him down to the bed.  
  
"Can do," he replied, and kissed away the last of her fears.   
  
End.  
  
A/N: Phew! Finally done. I want to thank everyone who stayed with this fic 'til the bitter end. I also want to thank all those who reviewed – all comments and feedback were taken on board, and I appreciate them greatly.   
  
Thanks also have to go to Riverstar for her wonderful beta'ing skills. The same thanks have to go to Traci as well, for the same reasons. I love you guys!  
  
Finally, I know that the title of the fic is no longer relevant, but the plot bunnies took a hold of the story and ran! I did have this whole scenario planned out to tie everything in, but ... *shrugs*... you know those bunnies. ;)  
  
Thanks to everyone again.   
  
Tracy, aka Cyclone 


End file.
